Sacred Cows: The Truth About Divorce and Marriage by Astro Teller PhD|| Danielle Teller M.D

Author:Astro Teller PhD|| Danielle Teller M.D.
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: SELF-HELP/General
Publisher: Diversion Books
Published: 2014-06-10T16:00:00+00:00

The hardworking Selfish Cow

We are not arguing that marriage does not at times require hard work. Every relationship, perhaps every human endeavor worth undertaking, sometimes requires hard work. When the Selfish Cow accuses unhappy couples of not working hard enough, however, she is trying to shift attention away from unsolvable problems and put the blame on “lazy spouses.” This has two effects that are pleasing to the Selfish Cow: First, it means that there is no excuse for anyone to divorce, since she is proposing that harder work can fix all problems. Second, it causes people to see themselves as failures when their marriages end, creating extra incentive not to “give up” on an unhappy marriage.

In the larger picture, the Selfish Cow is saying that people who get divorced are not just lazy, they are fundamentally more selfish than people who stay married. As we showed at the beginning of the chapter, there are selfish reasons to stay married as well as selfish reasons to get divorced. The Selfish Cow will never be convinced that divorced people are as good as married people, but let’s leave her with one last question at the conclusion of this chapter: Who does she think benefits from people selflessly staying in unhappy marriages?

Selfish Cow: “Moo, that’s easy. Everyone of course!”

Author: “Presumably the person selflessly staying isn’t benefitting, or it wouldn’t be a selfless act, would it?”

Selfish Cow: “Well, the other spouse and children will benefit!”

Author: “Do you really think that most people would be happy being married to someone who would rather leave? Or that children benefit from growing up with one or both parents feeling miserable?”

Selfish Cow: “Moo, people don’t stay unhappy if they do the hard work of marriage. Pretty soon they will be happy again!”

Author: “But then we are back where we started: It is not a selfless act to stay if everyone ends up happy.”

Selfish Cow: “Moo!! You are trying to trick me. You are going in circles!”

Author: “Ms. Cow, I do believe that it is you who is chasing your tail.”

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